Later... doesn't always come

So dizzy Mr. Busy - Too much rush to talk to Billy
All the silly frilly things have to first get done
In a minute - sometime soon - maybe next time - make it June
Until later... doesn't always come

"Cut Here" - The Cure


Sometimes we get so busy with life we forget to stop and remember what really matters.

Recently I found out a friend's mother passed away. He's my older brother's good friend who I happened to grow up with. Growing up he was like my second big brother, and his family an extension of my own. Over the years, we grew apart for no other reason than we got older and had our own lives to live. I haven't seen my friend in a long time. And these days it always seems that we see old friends only at weddings and funerals. And as we get older, it tends to be more at funerals.

This got me thinking... the anniversary of my own Dad's passing is coming soon. It will be 14 years this summer that he passed. That day still sticks with me vividly. You see, I was with my Dad when he passed. Long story short, he had a heart attack at home and that was that. I remember feeling numb for so long afterward. I wasn't able to deal with it directly, since I felt that I had to be strong for the rest of my family - my Mom and sister, specifically. In some ways, I don't think I've really ever dealt with it. And by "it", I mean the guilt that sometimes creeps in when I think about that day. In retrospect, there's not much I think I could have done differently, but there has always been that nagging question of "what if?" In some ways I've come to peace with what happened, but it still never really goes away.

What I've been left with are all the great memories I shared with my Dad. The daily drive home after school that seemed so simple at the time, but now that I cherish for the 1/2 hour alone I got to spend with him. Waking up early on Sunday to go with him to Mass. The smell as he cooked the family breakfast every Sunday. His smile as I was able to make him laugh.

Life is indeed short. Too short for all the things we truly want to accomplish. I vowed I'd never take things for granted after he passed, but as people do... I forgot. Sometimes it takes a vivid reminder of our own mortality to make us remember that "later doesn't always come."