It's funny how a single word can change your state of mind.
Well... that and the expectations that come with it. I recently ascended one rung higher on the corporate ladder and with that came a new title. It's not a huge change by any means. There is not a "Highness" or "Duke of..." in my new title, just a simple word added: Senior.
It's not like a lot has really changed even. I still have the same number of people working for me (although that will grow by two soon). For all intents and purposes, I have the same job - albeit one I have been doing without the "official" title for a while. But a funny thing happened deep in the recesses of my brain. I realized with great power, comes great responsibility. (Thank you, Spider-man). Now mind you, I don't really have great power, but I do have some influence in my small sphere. I realized that as a "Senior" I have some responsibilities that are expected of me - not only by my superior, but by my peers, and even more importantly, by the ones that work for me.
There's an unwritten agreement when you manage people that you will have their back and watch out for their better good. That comes in many forms: backing their decisions to take risks; protecting them when they feel overwhelmed; being the buffer to those things that can distract. But more importantly, the one thing they expect is for you to make decisions. Yes, it's just that simple.
The reason your superiors give you a bump is that you are actually expected to take the lead and make decisions. It still amazes me that that isn't the case with everyone. The worst leader is the one that is indecisive. Either stunned into indecisiveness by lack of confidence or the fear of being wrong, that type of leadership is not really leadership at all.
Everyone can't be right all the time, but sticking your neck out is what separates the true leaders from the posers. True, the only way to have that confidence is to know that you will be supported, but there is definitely something to be said for bucking the system and not being a "yes" man. The world has enough of those already.
As I've said many times in the last few weeks... step up or step aside.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Digital Exhibitionism
Ahh.. Facebook. Oh, how you've turned the world into a bunch of voyeurs and exhibitionists. Not only do people feel compelled to know the goings on of everyone else, but now everyone can do a little digital striptease themselves. If ever there were a worse way to say, "Look at me, world!" (maybe Twitter), then Facebook - you take the cake. With Facebook, you can now scream to the world all the minutia that once would have been relagated to conversations with your grandmother. Why not pick up the phone and actually "talk" to people?
Yes, I hear you screaming... "Then, don't use it."
True. But as with crime statistics, 80% of the ridiculousness is caused by 20% of users. What of the 80% of Facebook users who are not ego maniacal?
Yes, I hear you screaming... "Then, don't use it."
True. But as with crime statistics, 80% of the ridiculousness is caused by 20% of users. What of the 80% of Facebook users who are not ego maniacal?
Definition of Self
What defines us?
Most people "find" themselves along life's long path, so for them it's who and what we decide to surround ourselves with. For others that definition is more elusive. It's fascinating to see others not be able to find that which most eludes them - happiness.
I'm reminded of someone I once knew who felt compelled to define herself by her work and by extension, the opinions of her coworkers. The need for being in the "in" crowd and her professional advancement were enough to cloud her better judgment when it came time to define her real friends. It was then I realized that I didn't know this person anymore. Any values she cherished we no longer shared. It later came to light, that I was not the only one who had come to this realization.
In recent days I, myself, have come to appreciate how much I've grown along life's long path. When we were younger, we'd get report cards with grades on how we were behaving. As an adult, it's not so clear to know how we are doing.
I had the extreme satisfaction of attending a friend's wedding recently. We've known each other for the past few years and chat often weekly, but I think we can both can say we are not each other's BFFs. Friends, yes. So why the invitation? When he was laid off from work, I was able to help him in the only way I knew how - by creating a portfolio site for him. That helped him find a job and consequently be stable enough to propose to his beautiful bride to be. As my wife reminded me that day, it's the little selfless things that come back to reward you - both in his friendship and in his trust and confidence to include us in his happiest day. That day I knew I had done well.
And in the end, to a certain extent, I am also defined by what I leave behind - the physical manifestation of me - my kids, the friendships I have made, and the memories that I leave.
Most people "find" themselves along life's long path, so for them it's who and what we decide to surround ourselves with. For others that definition is more elusive. It's fascinating to see others not be able to find that which most eludes them - happiness.
I'm reminded of someone I once knew who felt compelled to define herself by her work and by extension, the opinions of her coworkers. The need for being in the "in" crowd and her professional advancement were enough to cloud her better judgment when it came time to define her real friends. It was then I realized that I didn't know this person anymore. Any values she cherished we no longer shared. It later came to light, that I was not the only one who had come to this realization.
In recent days I, myself, have come to appreciate how much I've grown along life's long path. When we were younger, we'd get report cards with grades on how we were behaving. As an adult, it's not so clear to know how we are doing.
I had the extreme satisfaction of attending a friend's wedding recently. We've known each other for the past few years and chat often weekly, but I think we can both can say we are not each other's BFFs. Friends, yes. So why the invitation? When he was laid off from work, I was able to help him in the only way I knew how - by creating a portfolio site for him. That helped him find a job and consequently be stable enough to propose to his beautiful bride to be. As my wife reminded me that day, it's the little selfless things that come back to reward you - both in his friendship and in his trust and confidence to include us in his happiest day. That day I knew I had done well.
And in the end, to a certain extent, I am also defined by what I leave behind - the physical manifestation of me - my kids, the friendships I have made, and the memories that I leave.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Epiphany
e⋅piph⋅a⋅ny [i-pif-uh-nee] –noun
a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience
So what happens when you realize that the person you thought you knew is no longer the same person you thought you knew?Time has an interesting way of showing us the truth. Sometimes it takes seconds, and other times it takes years. I like to pride myself on my ability to "read" people. My track record is pretty impressive. Although, as with all things, it has failed me (miserably) on occasion. But what happens when someone changes right in front of you - over the course of a few years? I suppose you lean on others for comfort and find solace in what used to be. I feel a certain validation in the fact that I am not the only one seeing this transformation, but also a touch of sadness at having lost another bit of the past.
Nothing stays the same, but through it all you must stay true to yourself.
Peter Pan
Why do people always want us to grow up?
There's definitely a time and a place to be an "adult" but the one thing that keeps me young at heart is not taking life so seriously. I recently had an old acquaintance ask, "Will you ever grow up?" to which I responded, "Why?" Seriously. I work in an industry that aims to entertain kids - how best to accomplish that than channel my inner child. Now mind you, this is a person whom I haven't really had any contact in almost 20 years, so maybe she wasn't used to the fact that that's always how I am, but nonetheless...
If I've learned anything in life, it is this... a child's perspective is at the same time the purest and most brutally honest as you'll ever find. Just ask a preschooler to critique your drawing any day and you'll see what I mean.
There's definitely a time and a place to be an "adult" but the one thing that keeps me young at heart is not taking life so seriously. I recently had an old acquaintance ask, "Will you ever grow up?" to which I responded, "Why?" Seriously. I work in an industry that aims to entertain kids - how best to accomplish that than channel my inner child. Now mind you, this is a person whom I haven't really had any contact in almost 20 years, so maybe she wasn't used to the fact that that's always how I am, but nonetheless...
If I've learned anything in life, it is this... a child's perspective is at the same time the purest and most brutally honest as you'll ever find. Just ask a preschooler to critique your drawing any day and you'll see what I mean.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Mere Mortals
There's nothing like having the crap scared out of you (medically) to wake you up to your own mortality.
A few months back, was my turn. Before I go on, all is well, and thankfully it was just that - a scare. But it did get me thinking... My dad passed when I was just 22 years old. He was only 51. He and I were together when it happened, so it will always been fresh in my mind. Your priorities at 22 are very different than what they are at 36.
It scared the be-jezzus out of me to think I could leave the wife and kids in a few years. A quick doctor's appointment later and everything checked out - in fact, in some ways I was actually pleasantly surprised. But for a few long and grueling days, I was forced to look my own mortality in the eye.
I remember doing that when I was 18... yes, it was weird to think about it so young, but hey... I distinctly remember thinking that if I were to check out right there, it would be OK. Not in an emo-Goth, I wanna die kind of way, but with a deep sense of peace. I haven't felt that in a long while - no wonder with all the noise and stress in today's life. That was a long time ago... and priorities change. Today, I want to be here for my kids as long as I'm able. I still wish my dad could have seen some of my later accomplishments, like graduating college, marriage, and kids - especially since he was a huge proponent of all them. So job number one is to be here for my kids. I want to see them graduate. I want to see them get hitched. And I want to see my grand kids.
A few months back, was my turn. Before I go on, all is well, and thankfully it was just that - a scare. But it did get me thinking... My dad passed when I was just 22 years old. He was only 51. He and I were together when it happened, so it will always been fresh in my mind. Your priorities at 22 are very different than what they are at 36.
It scared the be-jezzus out of me to think I could leave the wife and kids in a few years. A quick doctor's appointment later and everything checked out - in fact, in some ways I was actually pleasantly surprised. But for a few long and grueling days, I was forced to look my own mortality in the eye.
I remember doing that when I was 18... yes, it was weird to think about it so young, but hey... I distinctly remember thinking that if I were to check out right there, it would be OK. Not in an emo-Goth, I wanna die kind of way, but with a deep sense of peace. I haven't felt that in a long while - no wonder with all the noise and stress in today's life. That was a long time ago... and priorities change. Today, I want to be here for my kids as long as I'm able. I still wish my dad could have seen some of my later accomplishments, like graduating college, marriage, and kids - especially since he was a huge proponent of all them. So job number one is to be here for my kids. I want to see them graduate. I want to see them get hitched. And I want to see my grand kids.
When the past comes back to smack you in the face
It's funny how lengths of time can sometimes feel either like an eternity or a flash of an instant.
Recently, I've got back in touch with someone from high school. Now normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but we shared an awkward past - me obsessed, her the ever elusive prey. It took a while for me to get over it - back then. Almost twenty years later, it was a blah moment. Very anti-climactic. Everyone has to grow up, I suppose, yet for her she still had reservations as if I was still the same dorky 16 year old. After a few emails and a lot of texting, it's all good, but why the drama? I suppose on some level you can only deal with what you know - even if what you know is information that's 20 years old.
Recently, I've got back in touch with someone from high school. Now normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but we shared an awkward past - me obsessed, her the ever elusive prey. It took a while for me to get over it - back then. Almost twenty years later, it was a blah moment. Very anti-climactic. Everyone has to grow up, I suppose, yet for her she still had reservations as if I was still the same dorky 16 year old. After a few emails and a lot of texting, it's all good, but why the drama? I suppose on some level you can only deal with what you know - even if what you know is information that's 20 years old.
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