What We Leave Behind

They say "You can't take it with you", but what about "What you leave behind"?

When I was younger I thought that the goal in life was getting ahead and accumulating "things". You go out to fancy places. You buy shiny toys. You get ahead. After a while you realize that you actually have enough "things". And then, if you're lucky, you have a family, and all that changes.

From then on, you don't accumulate for you, but for them. You take them to fancy (but more likely, fun) places. You buy them new toys. You make it easier for them to get ahead.

At some point you realize that, just as your parents did before you, you are leaving your mark on those around you. You are leaving it on your kids. On your spouse. And on your friends.

You'll never be remembered by the things you have. No one will ever say, "They had an amazing phone. You should have seen it." What people will remember you for is how you treated them. How you loved them. How you spent time with them. There can be no greater tribute than to be remembered as one who cared.

So, the next time you're out shopping, remember that the most precious gift you can ever give someone is the gift of you.

Surreality

There are days that just seem a bit surreal and then there are days that truly do turn out that way.


It's not often that Life shows you it's extremes in such short fashion, but when it does, it does with utmost clarity. Very recently I had the misfortune of having to deliver life altering news to people I respect and have been working with for a very long time. Delivering that news was not the best day of my life. But in stark contrast to that morning, I went home and proceeded to help my daughter make a "leprechaun trap" for school. The absurdity of the day didn't hit me until days later as I recounted the day to a friend.


How, on one hand, can I be the cold messenger of (professional) death, and then hours later be making a fantastical contraption for a mythical creature. But such is Life. One minute you are making adults swear at your name, and the next, you are making children smile. 


I can only reconcile this with the knowledge that there, laid out in the full spectrum of a day, was Life showing me it's capacity. Fear. Hate. Anger. Love. Laughter. Acceptance. All in one sunrise.


Some lessons are subtle can be subtle and hard to decipher. This one was like a hammer to the head.


Appreciate it all.

Song as Emotion

There was a time in my youth where song lyrics played an important part in how I was able to communicate emotion and feeling. Back then, the lyrics were proxies for my expression. Today, thankfully, I've matured enough that I am able to communicate feelings, emotions, and thoughts without the crutch of someone else's words. But still, there are times when the mood and lyrics of a song still elicit a deep emotion. It's odd because the song is relatable, maybe not directly, but in some deep core human way. No longer do I live the days of pining for someone or working my way through a heartache, but hearing that emotion in someone else's voice - especially in song, seems to hit a visceral note. Back then the word-play of artists like Morrissey (The Smiths) and Robert Smith (The Cure) were enough send my mind reeling with thoughts of love, tragedy, and every other emotion under the sun. Of late, the songs that do this seem be to slow. ballad-style executions. Listening to The Fray's "How to Save A Life", Dashboard Confessional's "Vindicated", or even something a little off like Deathcab for Cutie's "Crooked Teeth" have the same effect. And yet, a rocking chorus from the likes of 311, Blink-182, Sum 41, or New Found Glory can also bring out core emotion. I find the influence is so strong, that listening to certain songs while driving actually affect how I drive. Yes, very scary.

There is something powerful in song. It reaches deep into the soul and connects on a level that is both cerebral (with the lyrics) and emotional (with the orchestration). Done correctly, those songs stay with you - and more importantly, shape you as you grow.

Jasmine

You know how there are some things that just remind you of home? I have mine (sorta).

There's one thing that reminds me I'm almost home. The City of Los Angeles planted night blooming jasmine in the median on the offramp of my exit. By the time I'm getting home, the jasmine is in full bloom (for the night). The sweet scent reminds me that I'm about to see my wife and kids. Smelling that after a long, stressful haul on the freeway signals the journey is just about done - and consequently, calms me and relieves any stress. I now make it a point to roll down the window as I exit the freeway so as to not miss my scented signal.

It's funny how we literally have to stop and smell the flowers in order to remember what's important.

What we pass on

There are many things we pass on to our kids... some on purpose and some by accident.

Kids are like a sponge and really do absorb all around them. It's fascinating to see my kids speaking in tones that I use and picking up on mannerisms that I do. Fascinating, and at the same time scary, I suppose.

It's the little things that amaze, though. As a teenager, I lived on Arby's sandwiches. The "5 for 5" deal was made for high school kids - especially since it was down the street from our high school. The wife is not a big fan, so years go by before I get a roast beef sandwich with Horsie and Arby sauce. This weekend, we got Arby's for the family. My son devoured his sandwich and declared it was, "delicious!" With that proclamation I realized I had passed on a little bit of me. The moment was not lost on the wife either as she observed, "Are you glad he likes Arby's like his dad?" That got me thinking of what other non-life-lesson type stuff we pass on.

My morning drive to drop off the oldest daughter allows us to share some music time together. Time was where she'd control the playlist - the usual fare - Disney favorites, Raffi, etc. These days, we've moved on to more sophisticated bands, like Owl City and Keane. She even has a healthy appreciation for 80's music, with her favorites being Cyndi Lauper's "Time after Time" and The Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams."

It's taking all that in that you realize how much we influence our kids - both knowingly and unknowingly.

The Littlest Teachers

There are many things I feel I have taught my kids. I never realized how much they'd actually teach me as well.

Here's a short list of what my little teachers have passed on so far:

• You can find wonder and joy in the smallest things - you just need to take the time to look.
• Don't take things so seriously - silliness is an under-appreciated trait.
• Imagination outweighs logic any day.
• Learn to enjoy the simple pleasures of life - like a nice PB&J with milk.
• There's magic in a hug and a kiss - it can cure all that aches.

And most importantly...

Don't worry so much. Tomorrow's a new day.

Life is a game show

What do you do when all life seems to send you is questions?

Answer them, of course. The better answer, though, is maybe to just wait. There's a huge difference between taking quick action and reacting. Taking action requires forethought and decisiveness. Reacting is instinctual, and not premeditated.

In life, the best decisions are made with thought. I've made it a point in my life to try not to be reactive. When things seem to not be going your way, you have to learn to roll with the punches - but more importantly, read the situation as a whole. I recently had a friend ask, "How can you be so calm? How can you not be mad?" The answer was simply, "It's not worth it." And that's the truth. You have to be able to filter the important from the trivial. The stuff that really matters from the stuff you can let slide.

Once you've mastered that, you can outlast them all.